The Relationship Trap - Doug Holt

“I want to leave her.”

“If we continue down this path, we’re going to end up splitting up.”

“I feel like I’m settling.”

The above comments are just a few that I’ve heard this past week. Mostly from men, since I primarily work with businessmen, but the conversation is similar when I talk to women as well.

These conversations start off with a lot of charge to them. You can feel the anger and resentment towards their partner. Not all of these people are married, but all of them have a similar undertone of disdain for their partners.

Some have cheated. Most are considering it. All are considering leaving the relationship that they once thought was going to be the last committed relationship they’d be in.

Does this sound familiar to you?

So what’s changed?

To get to the bottom of this takes some deep work. We do that at The Alpha Reset Retreats for men over the course of 4 days. You can ask the men that have attended. It’s not easy – it’s work… but well worth it.

The truth is that you’ve changed. You’ve lowered your standards in various areas of your life. Not just your relationship with your partner, but chances are you let things slip in all areas. Perhaps you still focus on your business, but why did you get into business in the first place?

I know I fell into this trap. When I met my wife, I was head of heels in love (for the record – I still am). Along the way, I let little things slide. Little things said, and more things unsaid, slipped under the rug. That was fine because things were fresh and the energy was high right?


What I didn’t know was that with each thing said or unsaid, there was a little resentment building up. And, as I let things slide in my own life, resentment also started to build up. Of course, I would put this on her. It was her fault after all right? If only she would ________, then it would be better.

I had done all kinds of personal development – from Landmark to Tony Robbins and everything in-between. Yet this resentment kept building.

The truth was that deep down I was being a victim. Something I didn’t see at the time. I was blaming her, but not truly taking ownership of my standards and results. In truth, I was lost and didn’t know what to do.

I see a similar story play out with so many people I talk to. We, as a society, don’t talk about it publicly. As someone who coaches and mentors people from all over the world, I can tell you that it’s VERY common. It shows up in different ways and most people don’t see it until they’re out of the situation – which often time is too late for the relationship.

So what can you do?

  1. Take RADICAL ownership of everything in your life. I do mean everything. I think that having someone else help you look at these areas is critical.
  2.  If you’re a man, go to an Alpha Reset. The investment in time and money will pay you back 10 fold – I promise. THE ACTIVATION METHOD by The Powerful Man
  3. If you are in a relationship, read this book: Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love (
  4. Talk openly and honestly with your partner. I recommend doing so as soon as you can, but it’s a lot better after you’ve done steps 1-3.

I know… I know. It’s not manly to ask for help or admit that you don’t know everything. The truth is that there’s nothing more manly than stepping into the unknown and facing your fear. That’s real strength. That’s real power.

Today I celebrate my wedding anniversary with my amazing wife. Truth be told, there was a time that neither of us thought we’d be here. It was rough at times, but both of us were determined to do the work to see it through to the other side. We knew we loved each other and knew that walking away would mean that we’d take the same issues into the next relationship. Patterns have a tendency to repeat themselves, don’t they?

We both sought out couples with great relationships (mostly to find out they had been through the same thing), read books, took courses, and hired mentors. All investments in our ourselves that proved to be worth every penny.

I want the same for you. You deserve to have a relationship of your dreams!

Today I’m taking her to the place I proposed – Mount Washington Resort. An old historic grand hotel in the white mountains.

I realize how lucky I am to have such an amazing woman and partner in my life. None of this would have been possible without doing the work.

As with getting fit, you have to show up and do the work yourself, no one can do it for you, but they can guide you.

Raise your standards… for yourself.

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