What’s your #1 priority?
Really. What is it?
Not your, “this is what I wish it were” #1, but the real #1 priority.
About six months ago my wife and I hired a coach. An intimacy coach.
We hired her not because anything was wrong, but because we both have been coaching people for a long time and both would commonly say, “I wish they would have reached out to us sooner! We could have helped in an even bigger way.”
We hired our coach because we realized that more often than not, people seek help after something has gone wrong rather than being proactive. We didn’t want to be those people. So we invested both time and capital in getting the best coach we could find.
During the last conversation, we had with our coach over Zoom, she asked us a simple question: “Can you make sex your absolute #1 priority?”
Well, we’re also incredibly honest with ourselves and each other… the answer was no (at least at the moment). We both felt a sudden panic and were shocked at what came up for us. I wondered how I would be able to provide for our family as that was my current #1. My wife wondered how she would be able to have some alone time as she had a toddler hanging onto during his every waking second.
We were both scared.
Not the fear you would typically see, but we were both scared of letting go of what we had truly valued and prioritized. It’s not that sex was low on the list – it was very high, but it wasn’t truly #1. Shocking – I know.
We immediately looked at each other (this all happened within about 10 seconds) and laughed. We had been putting fear first. We were in a scarcity mindset: scarcity around financial and business abundance (mine) and scarcity around personal time (hers).
I then posed another question (the coach was smiling at this point as often either Erin or I would take over as if she wasn’t there): “What WOULD it look like if it was moved up to #1? No BS, but truly #1.”
We made answering this question very fun on a date day the following morning, and the results were that our fears were very unfounded.
The point of this isn’t to prioritize your sex life, though I do recommend it if that’s an option for you, but to ask yourself what would life look like if you moved something important to you to an actual #1 position.
For me, this meant being able to walk away from meetings, skip the gym if need be, change my schedule, and perhaps give up one of my businesses. It doesn’t mean I have to do that, but if it’s really #1, then I have to be willing to do all that and more.
What about you? What’s your #1 and what would it look like if you changed it to something else?
How would your life be different?
How would you show up to your partner, your team, and to the world?
I’d love to know.
Oops… gotta go… priorities are calling. ????
What’s your #1 priority?